Wednesday, August 12, 2009
In relationships it is very important to have a mutual respect and care for each other emotionally and physically. You should be able to talk to each other about boundaries, if not you don't know each other well enough to start dating. You need to stand up for yourself! If it helps write it out so you dint forget things, the way this should work is that you DO NOT COMPROMISE! You need to agree that the person who has the most strict boundaries is the one that you both follow! You do not compromise because that is not truly caring for yourself and that also is not respecting the other persons feeling about the subject. If the don't feel comfortable doing more then holding hands or kissing then that's as far as you go and you make it clear. If the other person tries to pressure you to do more that is NOT the relationship for you because they are not respecting your boundaries and caring for YOU, they are caring for their own WANTS! They are not needs and if someone tries to tell you "I have needs that you are not fulfilling," they are lying and being selfish. They have WANTS you are not fulfilling.
It is SO hard as a girl and I fell into that trap of longing to PLEASE him. You care for him so you go with his boundaries and what he wants and stop thinking about yourself and what you were comfortable with. You soon become numb to the things you are doing because you aren't doing them because you want them and you are ready for it. You then don't realize why that relationship isn't working and it is because there isn't respect on both sides, they don't respect you and you don't respect you! You become depressed and don't understand why. When the relationships fail you become devastated because you gave him so much of yourself.
When the next guy comes you would feel guilty to give him less then the guy before because you like the new one more so you slowly give more and more of yourself that you never wanted to give in the first place. But you are not doing it for you because YOU feel is right and how you imagined it would be it is for the guys that don't stick around forever. If the other ones didn't work out, what was the common factor? It was them being selfish and you not having self respect. We need to turn this around, realize our sexuality is our strength and if he really likes/loves us and cares for us he will understand it isn't just something we do it is something we feel and will keep with us the rest of our lives and unless he can guarantee he will be the one to marry you and isn't just wanting a good time he isn't ready for it either!
When you get married you will regret EVERYTHING you did with the guys not just the sex. Also GUYS you will regret it too and in the back of the girls mind no matter what you say she will always be a little hurt by it as well. ESPECIALLY if any of those people are still in your lives. Please be careful and respect yourself and if the other person doesn't respect you it isn't right!